I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
