Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
