Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
