apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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