shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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