he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
