i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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