youre lurking in front of me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
