The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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