Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
