I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
