I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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