Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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