yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
