we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
