Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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