I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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