I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
