NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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