I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
