It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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