hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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