North Korea, Best Korea!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
