We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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