He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I currently don't understand fingers.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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