hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How external is "for external use only"?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
