in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
