Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
