You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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