Where did you get a picture of my penis
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In America we eat man semen.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
