Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you never un-have a 4some
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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