I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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