My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
