well I can't set my house on fire every night
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
