we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
