I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
