nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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