I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
