Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
