Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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