he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
