physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
