i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
