She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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