Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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