the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
