Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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