Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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