omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
