You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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