the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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